Fat Chunk Reporting.

On friday night I went out with the girls to a localish pub to celebrate my birthday. We sat out on the balcony eating and drinking and gossiping, as chicks do. Anyway, I felt like I was starting to hit a wall so we decided to join the rest of the locals inside the pub who seemed to be going at it full force. The one and only single girl immediately started chatting up blokes whilst we sat and watched. It was a pretty good night! Anyway, the pub shut at 1.00am (WTF?) so I was standing there with 4 other friends waiting for the 5th and 6th friend to wrap it up with some bloke with dreads, when a 'situation' occured. It went a little something like this.

A droob walks up to me and says:

Droob: Spewin that the pub shuts hey?
me: Yeah, it's a bit dissappointing (inner-dialogue cursing like a sailor)
Droob: Im heading off to another pub, you interested?
me: Nah mate, Im heading home to my husband (to be but he needn't know that) and my son
Droob: oh (he then proceeds to check the other's out, all of whom had husbands/partners)
me: You have a good night mate

Droob walk over to his mate and exclaims quite loudly "Bitches" to which I replied "Oi FUCK YOU MATE" in my true fuck you style. Anyway, game over right? Wrong.

10 minutes later, Droob re-enters scene, struts (oh yeah, struts) up to me and says
Droob: Now girls -
me: (interupts) No mate, I heard you call us bitches, so PISS OFF!
Droob: Oi, I was just trying to have conversation
me: No mate, you were trying to pick me up, and when i said no you got pissed off
Droob: What are you? The alpha-bitch (yes you read it right, alpha bitch) you say something and everyone follows?
me: MATE, EVERYONE IS TAKEN YOU LITTLE TWERP, HOW OLD ARE YOU ANYWAY?
Droob: well look at all of you's (most of whom are in late 20's) what are you all teenagers? I wouldn't go out with you anyway!
me: Yeah right, you just asked us out!

Scene plays out like this for a bit until droob comes in with corker of the night....

Droob: Before you open you mouth, why don't you LOSE SOME WEIGHT (gasp)

to which he runs, RUNS out of the quickly clearing pub!

Im a size 12 people, A SIZE TWELVE!! This bloke was such a little twat. His ego obviously got a bruising because he was shot down. But what I don't get is that it's not like I actually said what I was thinking when he asked me out which was something along the lines of "yeah right you skinny little freak, I would rather stick a rusty screwdriver through my tongue than look at your ugly mug for 1 more second", no, I let him down with the husband and kid routine, what's offensive about that!!! Fuck wit.

From the Alpha-Bitch (that's my new word)